Guilt

Guilt. (‘gilt) noun 1. the fact of having committed a break of conduct especially violating law and involving penalty; A jury will determine the defendant’s guilt or innocence. 2a. the state of one who has committed an offence especially consciously; His guilt was written all over his face. 2b. feeling of deserving blame especially for imagined offences or from a sense of inadequacy: SELF-REPORACH.
3. a feeling of deserving blame for offences; Wracked by guilt, he confessed his affairs.- Merriam-Webster Dictionary

To a good number of people in the world, Christmas is a time that is spent enjoying time with family, visiting loved ones, and sharing a meal, a drink, or both. Within that group of people, there are a number who include spending time at church, practicing their religious beliefs, as a part of their celebration. As well, there is a group that feels the exchange of gifts is a necessary part of this holiday.

All of these are quite well known.

But there's another group within the group. This is a group who may not celebrate in the way the Hallmark-world wants them to. They aren’t typically acknowledged, and yet, they somehow suffer it out year-after-year.

Growing up, I knew about this lesser-known group. I had an inside track: my Mom.

For those who knew my Mom, you’re well aware how much she loved pretty much every holiday. She would decorate weeks in advance, and bake whatever themed cookies, treats and more to give out to friends, family, neighbours, and anyone who happened to be in proximity of our home (if you found yourself lost or had your car breakdown in front of the house, you were leaving with a bag of fresh baked goods!).

Despite this, there was a part of her that not many knew about - the dreaded family dinner.

In the last few years of her life, it became more and more obvious (at least to those closest to her) that these family events were a source of anger, resentment, and dread. We had many conversations about how they made her feel after we all parted ways to our separate households, and I gotta say, it didn’t sound great. There was a part of her that wished she could simply skip them altogether. But, there was a much bigger part of her that felt guilty for feeling this way.

The first Christmas after she passed, I worried about how things would go at our tri-annual family gathering*. I avoided Thanksgiving so I wouldn’t have to deal with the whole first major holiday sans-Mom thing. And to be honest, it was great! Everyone got along, things seemed to be a collaboration, and I left that day feeling good.

Then I fled the country for a while.

The thing about spending Christmas in another country, is that you learn how it is for others. I don’t mean this in the now I know how grateful I am to be Canadian sort of way that most people would assume, but in more of a holy noodles - we’ve been doing it wrong sort of way.

Aside from the excessive presence of Celine Dion Christmas tracks playing 24-7, the holiday season in Uganda was really about sharing time with family. For a good majority of folks who celebrated, this also included some sort of church service or services. It made me realize just how beautiful Christmas could be.

So, when I returned home a few years later, it was a rude awakening to confront those differences. Rather than a slower pace, filled with meaningful moments, it was less about the quality and more about the quantity. And that’s never a good mix.

In the nearly year and a half since I returned home, I have wanted to spend less and less time with family...or really anyone. Things changed from when I left to when I returned, and it hasn’t gotten much better.

This year, I decided I wasn't going to play that game. I was going to take back the joy of Christmas, and spend the holiday the way I actually want to. Of course, this lasted until about December 23rd, when the heavy weight of guilt started to set upon me. And guess what - I’m participating in the family dinner, once again.

The thing is - the meal will be delicious, the conversations will be fine, and it will be great to see everyone. But it’s so surface level. Nobody actually talks about anything of value. It’s small talk...for two hours. It’s an obligation for everyone! I know this because everyone else shows up 15 minutes before the meal is scheduled to begin and leaves the minute the dessert plates are cleared (if the even stay that long, citing any number of excuses to vacate the premises).

Today, as I drove home from a little Mama-Puppy bonding time, Coldplay came on the radio, and I erupted in tears. This year, I, too, know where my Mom was coming from. I feel the anger, the resentment, and the dread that she once did. I am my mother’s daughter whether I like it or not. And like her, I will never be able to stop the cycle, because, like her, guilt ultimately controls how I make decisions when it comes to family. Not my desire to engage with something or a whole lotta somebodies. Not my being swept up in the magic of it all. Guilt. And imagined guilt, born out of a sense of inadequacy, at that.

-the Orange Canadian

*We tend to meet for Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Me and all Moai friends

It’s hard to put into words all that I experienced last week*. I never imagined I would ever get to Easter Island in my life time - especially this early on! The intrigue of Easter Island is a) because I’m an environmental history nerd, b) because I’m a nerd and c) because of the island’s history. Getting to see the Moai in person and to learn more, first hand, about the history and culture of this island has been #2 on my travel bucket list for well over a decade. The amazing thing is that bucket list #1 is climbing Kilimanjaro, which I was able to at least see earlier this year! Who would have thought I'd complete one in full and a second in part in the same year. (And for the record, my goal is Kili by 2023)

In August of this year, I was having a crappy day. Usually this prompts me to check out flights to any number of places and for whatever reason I happened upon a deal that I just couldn’t pass up**. Round trip airfare to Easter Island for a 10th of the price I usually see it at. I felt like this was too good to be true, but sure enough, it was a legit flight and price.

Upon arrival I was picked up from the airport by the hotel’s owner. She drive me around town and helped me to navigate my way around before arriving at the property to get settled and take a much needed shower***. I then ventured into town (about a 20 minute walk each way and involving a trek either up or down a hill) in search of a much needed bite to eat. And this is when I learned just how small the island is...

Within a few minutes, I had bumped into someone I had met on the plane. We then proceeded to tour around Hanga Roa (which means long bay in Rapa Nui language) coming across Tahai, the cemetery and several horses. We eventually parted ways, I grabbed dinner and made my way back to the hotel to catch some overdue zzz’s.

Look at the blue! First impression/visual of Hanga Roa.

First glimpse of Tahai. These are recreations of Moai that were originally placed here.
(Above and below)

The cemetery. Such a beautiful space with so many bright colours celebrating the lives of those found within. 

Day two started with a delicious breakfast and then I was picked up for a the first of two full days of cruising around the island. And they were full days! The guides for both days, Ata and Benjamin showed us the many highlights of the island, while offering up much of its history and just being genuinely fun guys to hangout with.

This tour included six stops, including: Anakena, Te pito kura, Puna Pau, Ahu Akivi, Tahai and Orango. Each told a different part of the island’s history.

Anakena - the birthplace of Rapa Nui culture. The Moai that sit upon this alter are the tributes to Royalty. 

On the backs of the Moai are carvings that depict several things, but usually represent the transition from life to the afterlife. You can’t see them well here - partly due to sunlight and partly due to how far away you are from them as a measure of protection/preservation - but the detail on these Moai are quite visible. This is possible because of their location.

Te pito kura or the navel of the world. Really cool history here, but also - stellar backdrop!

The view of Hanga Roa from Puna Pao!
This is the site where the pukao, or hats/topknots were carved. 

The quarry where the pukao were created. It’s pretty overgrown now, but you can see subtle reminders of what once was. 

Ahu a Kivi, or the Seven Sailors. It is believed that a priest had a dream which prompted seven sailors to take to the seas only to find themselves upon Rapa Nui! Of course, it also correlates to a certain seven-star constellation which happens to pass by this exact spot for three months of the year, beginning around the month of June...

The Seven Sailors from behind. It also rained while we were here, creating a nice break from the heat and humidity!

Back to Tahai for the second time in as many days! 

Picture perfect - this is Moto Nui, which is sometimes called Birdman’s Island. This is the island that was part of the Birdman competition! What a view from Orongo - the birthplace of the Birdman Society!

These are the houses that competitors would live in leading up to the competition. It reminded me so much of L’Anse aux Meadows in Newfoundland. Now I want to go there even more! There are 54 in all!

Also at this stop is Rano Kou - one of the three volcanos on the island! The unique feature here is that the crater is home to a large source of water! See the video below. 

Afterwards, a fellow tour mate, Chicago, and I continued our venture in Hanga Roa and eventually found a place to grab dinner. Then we parted ways, and I made the trek up the hill for an evening of relaxing, reading, and trying to recount every fact I had been given throughout the day. 

The next day I jumped back into the van with Chicago and the boys (great band name!) and a few others we picked up along the way and began the second day of touring. This day included: Tongariki, Reno Raraku, Akahanga, Vaihu and Vinapu. Again - we uncovered more of the history and culture. It was also a sad break fro my travel buddies, as Chicago was heading on to her next destination, and I could no longer afford to pay Ata and Benjamin to hangout with me.

The 15 Moai that make of Tongariki and the fallen 16th. In 1960, a tsunami hit the island, which destroyed this area. It was actually referred to as the mess. The tallest of these Moai is 10 feet, and estimates place the wave at a minimum of 15 feet. In the early ‘90s, a Japanese company donated a crane and paid for the restoration of this site, which was completed in 1997. To recreate the ahu, old pictures and drawings were used to put the pieces together so that we can see them as such today. 

A view from behind. 

And speaking of behind...this one’s got a bit of a tushy! Always the mature one...

Welcome to Rano Raraku - THE QUARRY! This is where the Moai were carved out of the rock  and later transported to their alter. Here, you can see one still in the rock, which was abandoned for one of many reasons - the end of the Moai era, or to compete with an even larger one, among other reasons. 

This bad boy is the largest Moai found to date. Can you see him, sleeping amongst the stone? If you can believe, he is actually 7 stories tall, most of which has been buried due to erosion and such!

Carved Moai that were abandoned before transport, many of which had the details etched into their backs. Again, we can only see part of these, as most of their bodies are actually underground. 

An ocean shot from Akahanga. There was also a cave that we visited here, but the pictures all seemed blurry. These caves were used to mark territory and where quite uniquely designed...but you’ll have to take me word for it!

Vaihu. This is a recreation of a typical village found near the ocean. In this image you can see one of the housing structures. 

Aside from the home, there are these round planters, which are actually quite tall.  Here they grew a number of things, including sugarcane and a plant that was used to make cloth fibres for clothing. The rectangular structure in the background is a chicken coop!

The final stop, Vinapu, included the only female Moai. There is a bit of disagreement about what this actually represents. Some believe it’s a representation of Mother Earth, while others believe it to be Mary. Apparently it was two headed, which could also represent a woman pre-PMS and whilst PMSing... just a thought.  

The days following the two intensive tours were not as exciting. Ata and Benjamin were a tough act to follow. On my first day sans Chicago and the boys, I walked into town and made my way toward the museum. I ended up checking out Tahai for the third and fourth time and was amazed by how each visit to this same site showed the Moai in different ways. Before the museum, though, I started part of the hike along the shoreline, but gave up because it was hot and my need to pee outweighed my desire to exercise.

The outside of the Museum.

My best shot of Tahai! 

Afterwards, I grabbed a bite to eat, checked out some of the markets, and then made my way back to the hotel, as I had an early start the next day.

This was the view from my room. It was so relaxing to sit outside and read, or just watch the chickens run around. It reminded me so much of Uganda, which made me incredibly homesick, but in a comforting sort of way. 

My final full day started with a 5:50AM pick up. The destination? Back to Tongariki - the place I had started my tour only a few days before. I had a great conversation with my guide and we made it just in time to secure a good parking spot (both for the car and for me to witness and take photos of the sunrise). There is something spectacular about a sunrise. Sunset? Sure, they’re okay too, but how many people actually get to see sunrises on the regular? Tongariki did not disappoint.

No words. 

A side view. That mountain in the background is Rano Raraku, or the Quarry!  I think this was my favourite place on the island. So beautiful, but also oddly peaceful despite all the people. 

“Sun’s coming up and a new day starts. Ain’t nobody trying to break my heart.”
- Walk This Road, Bruce Guthro
How can you feel anything but alive when you get to witness this first hand?!

The rest of the day was spent relaxing and doing some final wandering around Hanga Roa. I also had an incredible meal that will make all future meals pale in comparison.

My view from the restaurant. You can’t see them, but if you were to look hard enough there’s a couple of canoes out there that had just flipped. It was so much fun watching them chase the waves...and tip continuously!

In the evening, I jumped into another vehicle and attempted to undergo a stargazing tour. Here’s the thing, it was disorganized and a little preachy**** (there was a slide show!). It had been raining just as the tour began, so the sky wasn’t super clear. Luckily when we arrived back at Anakena, I found few stray dogs and got my money’s worth in dog snuggles. I named one of them George. My only regret in life is not bringing him back home with me. I did get to see some stars, though, between snuggles. Here’s my best shot from the night:

My final morning was odd. It’s the first time in a long time that I’ve gone somewhere just for fun. It wasn’t work. I didn’t feel a sense of loss in leaving, other than the dread of returning to winter in Canada. But, I’d made a few friends on the island; people I hope I get to see again in this life. I’m still in disbelief that the past week actually happened. I feel grateful for the time I spent on the island and to all of those who shared a piece of their home, their history, and their energy with me.

Once in a life time, for sure.

-the Orange Canadian

*I mean let’s face it - I still haven’t been able to put my trip to Kenya into words yet - and that was in May!
**You know, because who doesn’t deal with rough days by daydreaming about running away...?
***Sometimes I feel like the less active I am the more disgusting I smell. Also, after living in Canada for a year, I’d forgotten how magical cold showers were! 
****Further proving just how great Ata and Benjamin were!

Rapa Nui: A Cole’s Notes style history lesson with just a dash of wit

There have been very few times in my life that I've wanted to do or see something and it's lived up to or exceeded my expectations. In fact, I can list them all: the Colosseum (2015), the River Nile (2016 although I’d seen it before), Mt. Kilimanjaro (2018), and now, Rapa Nui (2018).

I didn’t tell many people where I was heading. This was partly because most people that I did tell had no clue what I was talking about, but also because I truly did not believe this was going to happen until at least the second full day on the island was complete. Several questioned why I would want to go there over any of the other islands in the world. And the truth is, I’ve been interested in this place ever since I saw a television advertisement for Dristan in the 1990s.

In recent years, the island seemed to pop up in course work for my undergrad and in one of the books that led me to attend university in the first place - A Short History of Progress by Ronald Wright. It fascinated me how quickly an entire ecosystem could be decimated by human activity and have always thought of this as THE place to look at environmental history and the impact we humans have on the world around us.

Before I really get into my trip, perhaps it would be good to provide a bit of the background.

Rapa Nui, or Easter Island as it’s known more widely, is believed to be the most isolated inhabited island in the world. It is a territory of Chile, although it’s found 3500+ kilometres away from the continent. The nearest inhabited place are the Pitcairn Islands located 2075 kilometres north-west of Rapa Nui. I’ll be honest, the idea of heading to an island that doesn’t even show up on a world map because it’s so small was something that made me hesitant to visit. Thankfully, this did not appear to bother me once I arrived (tsunami signage and all!).

Image Source: Google Maps
Notice that the town name, Hanga Roa, takes more space than the island itself?!

In case you were wondering, the safe zone area was basically the church, which, for any Nova Scotia folks,
is about the distance of running from the harbour to Barrington, maybe Argyle Street. Upon seeing these signs, I asked how big of a threat this was and was told the last tsunami took place just 3 years ago. You’d never know...

Anyway, the Polynesians are said to have arrived on the island somewhere around 300 to 1200 CE/AC. It was essentially the last stop in the trifecta that makes up the Polynesian area, and as a result was given the nickname Te pito o te henua or land’s end/the navel of the world. Eventually they set up shop, and before long they began to search for ways to honour their ancestors. This came in the form of what we now know today to be the Moai (you know - those famous head statues, as some of you have described...).

Building the Moai was labour intensive, resource intensive, basically just intensive. It took a lot of time to carve the statues, plus transporting them throughout the island (which is only 22.5 kilometres by a little over 11 kilometres, for the record...but it’s a hilly 22.5 by 11!), and setting them upon their alters, or ahu.

To put this into perspective, to date, there are 887 Moai registered/known on the island. Of those, 288 had been moved and placed (at one time) on one of the ahu, 397 can be found at the quarry, and the remaining were enroute to their respective ahu. That’s a lot of rock and man power. And it became completely unsustainable (surprise!). Eventually, the Moai era came to an end and those beautiful creations came tumbling down.

Following the end of the Moai era, it got a bit weird. Enter: the Birdman era. Okay, so, it wasn’t entirely weird, at least not in the good way, but it was pretty competitive. Essentially, in the time of building Moai, there was a king-based socio-political structure to the Rapa Nui lifestyle. The Birdman era sought to change this, by giving everyday folk a chance. This, my friends, is known as the Birdman Competition.

This competition is like no other I have ever heard of. Picture a bunch of scantly clad sirs scooting down a steep cliff (approximately 300 meters) into the ocean with floatation devices made of reeds to a near by island (known in English as Birdman’s Island, but to the Rapa Nui as Motu Nui.). Once there, they searched for the first manutara (or the sooty tern) egg of the year. When the lucky guy was successful, he place the egg in a sort of headpiece, and swam back to Rapa Nui, climbed up the cliff and was then deemed ruler for the year. Of course, they had to deal with the usual challenges of swimming in the ocean, plus the risk of being murdered by other competitors if they found out you had the egg. Kinda makes our elections seem pretty boring, eh?

The Birman competitions continued until the white-folk showed up in 1722. And this, is when Rapa Nui was transformed into Easter Island. The reason? Well, the Dutch showed up on Easter Sunday 1722 and hence, the name Easter Island became the name of “choice” to both the Dutch and the other white explorers to follow. Not unlike a typical Easter in my family though, instead of a good home cooked dinner and conversation, these explorers brought disease, slavery and Christianity to the island over time. Also, they made the island exist...because the hundreds of years before they “discovered” it, there wasn’t really anything going on...

In the 1860s palm production began, which once again decimated the environment and brought down the population significantly. (Side note: in case you haven’t been paying attention, this is the 4th societal/environmental collapse I’ve mentioned here in the island’s history...) The most recent shenanigan was an attempt to produce sheep, which lasted until the 1950s. It also did not great things to the island’s environment.

Today, the island has recently passed a law that makes landownership exclusive to the Rapa Nui. This means, not unlike Canada, you have to show up with a job offer in order to stay, but you can’t own land or a house. The island is also a National Park, and is now solely operated by Rapa Nui (although guides and such do not need to be Rapa Nui).

To conclude, if you haven’t been able to see the link between human genius/irresponsible activity and the impact it has on both people and the environment, well, what can I say? But, if you have, then you can see why the history of the island (and I mean the real history, not the half-assed attempt at recounting every word I’ve read or heard and trying to make it fun for you to read) is one of the best examples of environmental collapse. BUT it also gives hope that we can actually rebuild should something like this happen on a larger scale (i.e. globally). I just hope we come up with something better than a Birdman competition...

-the Orange Canadian

Airports: The best and worst of humanity

Over the last decade, but more so the past 5 years, I've done my fair share of travelling. Most times this has been for work or studies. Often, they are stressful for an introverted kid like me, as they usually involve swarms of people and disorganized chaos. But despite all that, they're truly a wonderful social experiment - showcasing the highs and lows of human behaviour and emotion.

Think about it, where else do you get to witness the excitement and anticipation of what's to come? Emotional reunions? First steps together in the form of a honeymoon, or signs of lasting relationships?

When you get to witness these moments as a bystander, it's pretty amazing. I often think about one of my departures from Uganda and the experience with the Somali family who had just been granted residency in the US. I still think about how beautiful that time was and how excited they were, and how those in line rallied with them to celebrate this incredible news - a chance at a better, safer life.

And then there are those on the opposite end of the spectrum. Those who are rude, grumpy, or oblivious that there are others around them. It's at these times when I am needing to be mindful and practice patience. This isn't always easy, of course, especially when children are involved... or rather their clueless or inattentive parents!

It always amazes me how you can see such beauty, and then turn your head to the right or left and see someone at their worst. I'm also uncertain of how quickly some people lose their common sense. For example, on one of my return flights home, a man unbuckled his seat belt, stood up, and all but draped himself across my slot of seats to capture a photo of take off. Just picture a grown man, seated in the aisle of the middle group of seats, leaning across said aisle and into the three seats across from where he should have been! Ugh. People.

If you focused on these negative experiences, you'd never travel, because sometimes it's enough to turn you off completely. There are airports that I try to avoid because staff or passengers are so off-putting, it just isn't worth it. Mind you, I'm in one of those now, as I type! That's why, when I get to witness those moments of happiness, of couples holding hands, or too far gone reunions finally taking place, I take the time to smile and appreciate each one, because in this day and age, you never know when you'll have the chance to witness another.

-the (overtired) Orange Canadian