Sunday 31 December 2017

Onwards and Upwards

2018 is quickly nearing, and I have to say this year can't end soon enough. When I look back on the past 12 months there are surely things to be celebrated and for which I am proud of, or that I’m thankful for. My time in The Netherlands, once again, adopting Gertie, and registering my organization in Uganda are all among the top highlights. However, these were marred by a plethora of not so good moments, for which I am hoping will not be repeated in the coming year ahead.

To say this year has been a struggle is surely be an understatement. Dealing with my mental health has been on of my greatest challenges as of late. They began in May, and have continued on even as I write. Depression and anxiety have been apart of my life since I was a child, and they have come and gone throughout the years. Usually they can easily be managed but this time around it has become increasingly more difficult. My low points have been places I have not felt in years - not even after losing my Mom almost 5 years ago. It’s painful and lonely, and can be quite scary at times, as a result. This isn’t a state I have spoken about a lot, mostly because I still believe my doing so overburdens those around me, and partly because I seem to think I can get through it all without the help of others. Gertie has been a tremendous help in this area, but she is only one pup - and the burden is not solely hers to cure or carry. Plus, she has some issues of her own. You could say we’re both a work in progress, but I’m glad we’re figuring it all out together. She’s such a good companion.

But a huge part of my challenges this year have stemmed from support - or lack there of - and readjusting to a place I don’t really feel I relate to anymore*. It’s funny how only a few years away can make a place you’ve always known feel so distant. The landscapes alone have changed, especially when looking at the Halifax skyline, but so have the people, the norms, and pretty much everything else. I don’t think I ever fully grasped Ugandan culture, but I do feel like it was becoming a part of my core. And this has been felt more so since returning to Canada (and not just because it’s now cold!). It didn’t help that it wasn’t a welcomed decision to leave in the first place, but rather one made out of necessity. I was in a bad place, and I thought I would have more support when I returned. But in all honesty I have felt replaced more than I have felt supported. It’s forced me to open up old wounds and really focus on just how much of an impact my mother’s passing has had on my life and how unfair it is that certain circumstances have been greeted with unequal results. The not knowing where I’d be resting my head from one day to the next, and the lack of having a steady routine were some of the things I hadn't anticipated, and the consequences are still something I am struggling to understand. All of this, mixed with some crummy relationships that need to be cut loose, have been a recipe for disaster.

The sad thing is that throughout it all, my physical health has also been in decline. Thank goodness for Gertie who gets me out at least twice a day for walks, and some indoor playtime fun! I know I have let down my workout buddies immensely; in the last few weeks, in particular. They are such a reliable source of positive energy and encouragement. But, there have been far too many days where it has been hard to muster up the strength or motivation to exercise and eat right, when the prospect of the future seems such a long shot. I know I need to get on board again - and I will step up.

But let’s not focus solely on the bad. The coming year has some pretty incredible opportunities in the works - starting in a little over a week, I head to the front of the classroom, as a lecturer at Acadia University. This is an opportunity I had been working towards since I left the school as a graduate only a few short years ago**. I have some travel plans, including heading to Japan for a little work-play adventure, and then heading back to the continent I love - beginning in Kenya, and then eventually making my way next door to Uganda. I also have some writing contracts lined up, and if all goes as planned, I may very well find myself in a classroom once again - this time as a student.

There is a lot of good. I know this. You, as a reader, hopefully know this about your own lives. There will always be negative moments, and unforeseeable changes, no matter what. I have come to recognize this simply as life. But these tend to be the things that further strengthen one’s capability to thrive. These are the moments we will look back on - hopefully with minimal resentment - and recognize as those pivotal moments that could have, but didn’t break us. And that, my friends, is what I’ll be holding onto in 2018.

- the Orange Canadian

*More on this latter topic potentially in the next few days.
**And if I’m really being honest, well before then!

Wednesday 6 December 2017

December 6th: Marking 100 Years

It was a day much different from this one. For starters, it’s 10°C, and a hundred years ago, a snowstorm was on its way. But the rainy, solemn morning in Halifax today seems equally appropriate.


Marking its 100th anniversary, the Halifax Explosion is Canada’s largest maritime disaster and one of the most significant events in the country’s war history. Sadly, the events of this day are often omitted from curriculum* in other parts of the country, despite the impact it had from coast to coast.

An estimated 2000 people were killed, countless others were injured, houses and businesses were destroyed, and life in this city changed in a flash. The cause? A munitions ship (the SS Mont Blanc) collided with the SS Imo, causing a blast that could be felt miles away. And if this wasn’t bad enough, a snowstorm hit that same evening, placing even more stresses to an already challenging situation. There are loads of sites, books, and other platforms to learn more about this event in detail, so I’ll leave this to you to investigate further. There’s even a few good tunes to be found!

Today I had fully intended to head over to Fort Needham Memorial Park to participate in the official memorial. But I just couldn’t get organized enough to do so. Instead, I prepped Gertie for her daily morning walk, and we made our way down to the Dartmouth waterfront - the next best place, I figured.

As we reached the edge of the boardwalk, the cannon sounded from atop Citadel Hill, and our minute of silence began. The ships in the harbour blew their horns, which presented an even more eerie mood to the day. It felt heavy. And it was all sort of overwhelming.

I thought of my paternal grandfather and how if he had been in a different place that morning I probably wouldn’t be here. I thought of my grandmother’s friend and infamous survivor, Barbara Orr, and of all the wonderful tales Grammy has told me about her over the years**. I thought of the kindness of those who came from near and far to lend a helping hand, and how recent disasters have typically been shown the same sense of humanity.

And as I move forward with the day, I will continue to reflect on how lucky I am and try to focus on the good that people can do. I will also take a few minutes to think about another horrific event that took place on this day and which marks the 28th anniversary of the events at École Polytechnique. This day is now recognized as the National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence Against Women.

It’s a big day for Canadian history. It’s a sad day. But it’s also a day to consider and envision a way forward, towards a more peaceful world, while embracing the gravity of both of these events.

-the Orange Canadian

*Not that we need to know every historical detail of our country, but one of this magnitude should certainly be mentioned at the very least!
**I even have some of her artwork still - pieces that my mother cherished.